cat lover at heart....but trying for the man I love.

[jetay]

I go married one year ago, and am struggling with my husband's 11 year old dog. (Please don't tell me that she will die soon and the problem will be solved. My husband loves her, I love her, and don't wish for that) While she is a very pleasant dog in many ways, I find some of the things she does are very annoying. My husband finds them endearing (an avid life-long dog lover) but I do not. It drives me crazy when she is right there when we eat, whether at the kitchen table, around the TV or in bed....she has to be inches away...hovering, staring. She jumps up to the table, paws on table, inches away from our food, licks the table and the dishes in the dishwasher. When my husband cuts food on the cutting board her paws are there, inches away from our food, and he thinks it's cute. Am I just "mean", or is that unacceptable manners for a well-trained dog. The doorbell rings, she barks until it is answered whether it takes 20 seconds or 2 hours, she'll bark until the door is answered (after she runs down the stairs with you and almost trips you) and jumps on the guest(s) coming in. She eats the cat's litter and her breath is atrocious. My husband smiles and says "she's been eating kitty biscuits again." It disgusts me. We had a dog years ago when I was a child, but it wasn't allowed on the furniture or the beds. Our dog has to be with you every waking minute (I did win the no sleeping with us battle at least), and has to be on the couch by you, or on you, as you watch TV. She has to be on the bed, between us, on us, as we read, talk, watch TV. She weighs 35 pounds, has long smelly hair and terrible breath. My sheets smell like dog and I really struggle with that. She is in the kitchen whenever you are, and you must step over and around her every move you make. 24-7....always there no matter what you are doing. Again, it drives me nuts, and I don't know if most dog owners like that kind of thing and I'm just a horrible person, or is that poor dog manners? I can put my cat down or put her outside in order to have a minute to myself and her whole world doesn't collapse. But if I even gently tell the dog to get down from the table, or stop barking, (which I seldom ever do) she and my husband act like I've just spit on the grave of a war hero or something. Do I just need to suck it up, or are some of these behaviors annoying even to some of you more seasoned dog owners/lovers?

[seraphicia]

I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband about your feelings, but you also need to realize that she is his dog that he obviously loves(maybe too much) and her behaviors are very engrained and are going to take a lot of consistency to change. You need to come to a comprimise with him and the dog. It seems like your husband (like many dog owners )is very comfortable with his dog and the dogs constant position by his side, and so, loves the bonding time between each other and cuddling on the couch or bed. There are some unacceptable behaivors like the jumping up on the counter and the cat candy bars that need to be addressed, and your husband must someway see the error in his ways for letting the behavior persist. The fact that she's a little dogs may make it easier to give in and accept some of her behaivors, but no dog is too old to relearn with consistent instruction. Some of her behaviors seem like she may have some anxiety but it is probably mostly just from encouraging the wrong behaviors, rather than a more severe issue. You should just talk with your husband and maybe consult a trainer so that both her and you husband and yourself can learn to consistantly encourage the right behaviors, and so that your husband can learn to understand that setting some boundries can improve both your marriage and your relationship with her, which is obviously important to you. Maybe you should get into a routine of caring for her yourself by training, grooming and brushing her teeth regularly to help build the relationship. You are not a horrible person, and some of her behaviors are bad manners, but at the same time, you need to learn to respect your husbands love for her, and learn to comprimise to make the home you all share more comfortablefor everyone.

[Rio&Nickysmommy]

I agree with some of what you are saying- many of the things you describe shows that your husband has trained the dog to be this way. I would talk to your husband about it. My main concern is when animal or pets get into area's where food is being handled. I dont think they should be on the counter tops and things like that. Yet I am a person my dogs go on my furniture and sleep with us and are with me every second of the day. I move they move. I had lived just with m dog RIo before getting married and when its just the two of you sometimes thats the relationship you develope with the pet. To me my dogs are like my children and I do want them with me always. As for the barking when someone comes to the door. Sure it can be annoying but the dog has to be trained when its ok and they can stop. Barking for a reason I never try to stop. I want people to know I have two dogs here. You are not a horrible person. The dog and hubby just need to learn more how you all can co-exisit. If your husband is like me I am very defensive (to a fault) when it comes to my two little fur babies so I would chose my battles wisely one at a time. I wish you the best. I am sure you will e able to work it out.
Good Luck
RIo&Nickysmommy

[evelyna]

I would never let him put his paws on my table or in the food.
Barking more than a couple of seconds would grate on my nerves.
I do not think it is safe to let the dog eat out of the litter box. It could be infested with parasites and make everyone sick.
When I am walking my dog, I will pull objects out of his mouth that he picks up.
Just because they are cute does not mean they should do whatever they want.

[WolfRyder]

Well, I know the dog is 11 years, but it sounds to me like your husband's dog never learned manners because he spoiled her. Ask him, if there was a child who acted like that would he put up with it? Acting like a brat? if he wouldn't, then ask why would he let a dog act like a brat and not have manners?

Dogs off the table is a must as is no counter-cruizin'. That's a big no-no and dangerous for the dog! What if she touched something hot and was burned? or pulled a hot bowl of something on top of her? That's not cute, that's irresponsible of your husband.

I'm sure if you two ever decide on children, you'll have to decide how they will be raised. Same goes for animals.

Dogs bark, yes. They bark at the door, yes. They bark at the wind, trees moving, "no-seeums" and all sorts of things humans can't figure out. Try telling her, in a very calm happy voice, that you can hear someone is at the door and thank you for letting me know. and see if she won't stop the barking :)

Also, she must learn not to jump on people. And she can learn. It's a very poorly trained dog that is so gauche that they think everyone wants to be jumped on. If she knows the "Sit" command, Practice with her often, with a ready supply of treats that she will do anything for. Then, when she goes to jump on someone, make sure you have the yummy treats (and that she knows it) and tell her "Sit" before she can jump. Tell her"Good Sit!" and praise her a lot. Let her know sitting is good manners :)

The running up/down the stairs is a toughy. I have the same problem here. I taught both dogs (took me about a week) to "Wait" at the top of the stairs until I got done. I had to start with the Sit command, but it works. Also, if they're really excited, I'll just tell them (they don't decide, I give them permission) to go up/down stairs ahead of me. With a Go Upstairs or Go Downstairs command.

The "sit/Wait" command it handy for when someone is at the door you can get them to sit/wait while you answer the door. And no holding the dog back while you answer teh door. Yeah, that one takes longer but still works!

Just because someone has had dogs a long time doesn't make them experts on doggie manners/behavior. Just tell him the dog is rude (just like a child who acted like that would be rude) and needs training from the both of you. But be prepared to be the one to do the initial training, until your husband sees how much nicer it is to have a dog that cooperates instead of running the house.

no, i'm not a dog trainer, just an owner who has a new big dog LOL a 2 year old dobe who needs a firm, loving hand :) And I didn't know the cocker wanted to "have something to do" to be praised for either until we got the dobe.

If your husband reads, try good owners, great dogs, The other side of the lease and some basic positive reinforcement dog training books.

[Jynx]

I agree with the others, also I guess I would ask,how would your husband feel if your cat did some of the things the dog does? Like climb on counters while your preparing food? Sitting next to your plate on the table while you eat?

My dogs also, sleep with me, get on the furniture, are very much thisclose to me whenever I move, BUT they don't jump on counters, put their feet next to MY food, bug me when I'm eating..

A good way to curb that kitty litter thing, (and yep its disgusting and mine would do it if they could get to it), is put a baby gate a few inches above the floor in the door of a room you put the litter pan in. Dog can't get thru the gate, well unless they jump it or push thru it..I have one litter pan in a spare room upstairs, and another in a shower stall we never use downstairs, both have baby gates about 6-8 inches off the floor,, so the cats can get underneath them.

I also, would take the dog for a good grooming, (or since it's hubbys dog, tell HIM to do it!)

My husband is not a big fan of my dogs , and I have 4 of them, BUT they are my dogs, I care for them, I train them, they aren't spoiled or disrespectful.

I hate to say it, but all I could think of when I first read this, was that old saying "love me love my dog". :)

I don't think your mean person for not liking some of the behaviors, I think your husband should be able to compromise on a few things other than the "no sleeping in bed" thing.
good luck!
diane